i realise the reason i stop blogging is because i think i don't need to tell people what i do and what happens to me everyday. rather, i need to rant, i need a place/platform where i can truly say whatever that is in my mind or heart. i guess i need a diary. many things go through my mind everyday but i didnt manage to type/write them all down. by the end of the day there are too many things within me that i have no idea where to start. thats why in the end im not blogging. it's impossible to tell someone about those things because they are just too random. they are just thoughts/feelings that are not very important. they results in neither laughter nor tears.

now this is a post that kinda means nothing. that's the reason i'm not blogging.

i know this post is not relevant.
but i just have to say this.


sometimes, i wish i don't belong here.

wahaha. i changed my blogskin.
now i am updating my blog! LOL.
i got a shock that my last post was in Feb.
now is like May? LOL.
well. decided to post now 'cause i have a little time.
and i just realise i forget about watching my show.
lol. been watching 败犬女王 online nowadays.
too lazy to watch it on TV and rush back home just to watch it =x

last week was a crazy week.
went to watch iron man 2 on mon with germaine if im not wrong.
LOL. sorry. i didnt bother to check.
should be monday la. if not then tue.
it was nice! though some people say it's not as nice as the first one.
but still. i like it because i think the show was really cool.
it was unrealistic for sure. but it's nice!
oh ya. i thank my colleague for helping me to book my tickets online.
it was running fast in the afternoon.
if we dont book online i dont think we can get our tickets.
when i reach there to queue for my tickets it was already sold out.
i think i really should get myself a debit card.
it's like so much more convenient.
the show was at 7.30pm.
by the time i get my tickets it's already about 7.15pm.
and i still have to go GUESS paragon to change my wallet.
so we ran, literally ran to GUESS paragon from orchard cine.
after choosing and everything it's already 7.35pm.
we ran back to orchard cine and by the time we sat down the show just started. *phew* but that was really crazy.
but im glad that i manage to change my wallet :)
im sorry clique 5 that i went to change it.
and i realise the 3-fold wallet is better than the long one.
the only thing is that they dont hav the window for photos.
cant put photos and my double-heart :(
it's fine la. that's not the main thing about a wallet.
but i only intend to use it like mayb in august?
LOL. i know it's a little long but dont feel like changing everything now ma.
the GUESS wallet is my birthday present from clique 5.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! *bow* LOL.



this is the wallet they bought for me.


and i change to this. =x

on wed, i finally get my birthday present from my colleagues.
they bring me to city chain during lunch and ask me to choose a watch.
they realise that i dont wear a watch.
actually there is a reason. because my wrist is too small.
doesnt look nice with watch. LOL.
but anyway watch is something i really dont hav.
im glad they noticed and glad dat i got it as my birthday present.
my colleagues celebrated my birthday with me on the actual day.
they bought me an awfully chocolate cake.
yummy! i love it! :)
well. as i seldom look at watch i have no idea what watch to buy.
initially they wanted to buy adidas or puma type of watch.
but i think it is too sporty.
i dont think i will wear it out for shopping or things like that.
didnt dare to spend too much time choosing 'cause it is a present.
so when they say guess watch i was like 'ok, im fine with it'.
so we looked at guess watch and bought one of it.
i find it real expensive. i wouldnt have bought it on my own.
im really glad that i receive that as my present.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! *bow*
they wont see this post though.

ok. i know my presents are like GUESS and GUESS.
it is not that i like GUESS.
it is just a not too bad and affordable brand. lol.


this is the watch. it wont b a surprise. LOL.
GUESS watch just look like that.

on thursday my department head treat us to dinner.
a thank you dinner for the hard work during the last few months.
went to chongqing hotpot at suntec city.
had champagne. just a few mouth and i become a lobster once again.
LOL. im too healthy already =x
took a few pic. shall upload when my colleague upload :)
after the dinner we went to chinatown are for KTV!
we sing till 1am. as if we dont hav to work on fri. LOL.
but it was an enjoyable night :)

on friday i went to AARON KWOK'S CONCERT! =D
i know my frens will feel weird. why would i go his concert.
one of the reason is the ticket is free!
one of the sponsor has invited my department to go. hehe.
i was not supposed to have the chance to be there.
but they have quite a lot of tickets so my colleagues ask whether i wan to go.
so i went! and i asked my sis along! :)
oh my god! i cant believe that he is already 40+.
he still can dance and sing at the same time.
and he really dont look v old. LOL.
our seats were not too bad. Cat 1 de. 9th row from the front.
well. i shall share some of the photos my colleague took and some videos that i took.


he learn how to play a piano for 2 months. LOL.
play as he sing. not too bad la.




does he look like he is 44 years old? i dont think so right. LOL.


this is the 450 degree revolving stage.

i believe everyone is familiar with this.
Para Para Sakura!


that marks the end of my post!
on a side note, im disappointed by friends who never wish me Happy Birthday on that day itself.
i dont know whether disappointed is the right word to use.
but anyway, there are some people whom i dont see why he/she never wish me.

thanks MOMO. with you, i know i wont be alone.

i finally got myself something to do.
it's not like i got nothing to do at all.
but i just don't feel like doing anything.
have too many things in mind.
don't ask me what's in my mind.
sometimes it's too complex that i don't even know what's there.
maybe 'cause life is so boring now that i try to put more things into my mind.
the funny thing is i don't sleep even though i have nothing to do.
in fact i sleep at 1plus everyday and i have no idea what i have been doing.
i really need to have some goals in life.
maybe i should consider self-studying.
but the thing is i don't even feel like doing anything when i reach home from work.
just feel brain drained and lethargic.
guess i have been using too much of my mind.
it's time to stop thinking so much.

i need to decide where to put my dog when i go jap real soon.
but i'm still unsure. thinking about the cost and everything.
oh no. i'm going maybank chinatown branch for 2 weeks.
just feel really sian about it.
because i will be so bored down there.
and i have to learn to be independent like maybe go for lunch alone?
i guess i'm just worried because i don't know what's there to eat at chinatown.
though i think there is quite a lot of good food there.
well, will just see about it.
maybe things won't be as bad as what i think.
but i rather go for suntec IT show than NATAS@Chinatown.
sometimes things are just not within my control.

5th march is reaching. i don't want it to come.
i guess nobody wants it to come.
lol. but we don't have a choice.
we have to face it no matter what.
i don't know what i can hope for.
only hope for the best.
i wonder whether i really did my best this time round.
actually no. i can do better. much better.
this is the first time i panic for major exams.
this is the first time i feel that i won't get what i want.
compared to some, i certainly could have work harder.
O level is great diff from A level.
at least if we didn't do well for Os we can go to poly.
ITE is another pathway but i don't think i will be there.
but for As, where can we go if we don't get into local Uni?
some may say oversea uni. not for me.
private uni? more expensive.
i don't want myself to land anywhere else because it just show that i didn't do well for As.
after taking results i have to decide which pathway to take.
don't ask me what do i want to study.
don't ask me what do i want to be.
it all depends on my results which will be out on 5th March.
it's good that A level results is out on a friday.

anyway, a reminder to my friend though i already told some.
on 5th march, don't find me if you are happy with your results.
find me if you are unhappy with your results.
because i'm sure i can cry with you.
but i'm not sure whether i can laugh with you.
if i can laugh after i see my results i will go find you.
that's when we share our joy.
well, i can picture myself crying.
but the more i think, the more i feel that maybe in the end i won't cry.
i will just accept it.

杨丞琳-匿名的好友/匿名的朋友
（电视剧《海派甜心》插曲）


杜松混合茉莉的风
回忆里被爱那股激动
天色好红 温柔好浓
在胸口浮现 你的脸容

一起活在这城市迷宫
提起你名字心还跳动
却没重逢
只有想碰却又不敢碰的那种悸动

也许我们当时年纪真的太小
从那懵懵懂懂 走进各自天空
该怎麼说 让彼此选择
但思念还转动

不能握的手
从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执著 依然执著
与你无关泪自行吸收

不能握的手
却比亲人更亲厚
但所有如果
都没有如果
只有失去的温柔
最温柔

当又一次美梦落空
回忆里被爱那股激动
天色好红 温柔好浓
在胸口浮现 你脸容

也许我们当时年纪真的太小
从那懵懵懂懂 走进各自天空
那是什麼 让彼此选择
又不仅是尊重

不能握的手
从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执著 依然执著
与你无关泪自行吸收

不能握的手
却比亲人更亲厚
但所有如果
都没有如果
只有失去的温柔
最温柔

不能握的手
从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执著 依然执著
却决心和你不再联络

不能握的手
却比爱人更长久
当所有如果
都没有如果
只有失去的拥有
最永久

thanks for forgetting me.

well well. i know the blog is almost dead.
perhaps no one will visit anymore because they believe that i won't post again.
haha. but too bad! i will still post once in a while.
when i'm super free and i got nothing to do =x

yesterday while working i think about A level results.
i have this sudden fear that i won't do well.
yes yes. i know i need to be confident.
but i ask myself what is the worst case scenario that i can expect.
what is the worst results that i can allow myself to get.
no matter how much i lower my expectation, it is still quite high.
how low can my expectation get? as low as not being able to get into local uni?
so i guess this time round i will hav a great fall.
i can imagine myself crying for the first time after getting back my results.
who doesnt wish dat its tears of joy. but we shall see.
i noe im being pessimistic here. but its really how i feel.
however, my fear is not as bad as some of my frens who hav nightmare almost everyday.
i usually sleep without dreaming of anything.
yes. just wait for the results and decide the path that i can take.

money money money. money is the root of all evil.
for me, money is the root of the problems in my life.
i should be going japan tokyo during end of march wif my mum n my aunt.
to visit my sis n jumpy! (jumpy is my niece)
jumpy is so poor thing.
shes having stomach flu now. keep vomiting watever she drink.
doc say she canot drink milk or water because if she continue vomiting she has to b on drip.
yes definitely it's nice to be able to visit japan.
but i hav to tink of the expenses too.
because i'm supposed to save watever money i can in order to enjoy dere.
by right, i'm supposed to pay for watever im going to spend dere.
imagine. transport 5bucks. meal 15bucks. onsen, disneyland, disneysea.
sometimes i will rather give up enjoying myself.
so much about enjoyment.
i'm going dere to enjoy and coming back to declare bankruptcy. LOL.

that's why i have to work.
my job is quite ok right now.
because i find the people dere really fun n everything.
work is full of laughter.
but im not earning enough.
7bucks per hour seems ok but mayb it's really not good enough.
i noe i shouldnt ask for too much.
but aft cpf contribution n everything, im really not earning enough to save.
so i'm finding tuition job now.
anyway, i tink teaching is a good experience.
but it's really not easy to find.
waiting. i'm still waiting. but my name is not weiting. LOL.
sorry. just remember wat Mr. Herd always say during GP lesson.
i miss school! i want to exercise, i want to play, i want to laugh during lesson.
yes, i truly noe how it feels when adult say we should enjoy school life.
and i wonder whether i did.

wanted to climb stairs tis weekend since nobody can run wif mi.
but i realise i dont hav much time for dat oredi.
well, guess i cant exercise tis week already.
i thought i will be home tomorrow n hav plenty of time.
but hav some dinner thingy tomorrow.
so ya. not much time left.



i just want a simple relationship.
someone i can talk to and laugh with.
someone who will always be there.
someone that does not remind me of my past.

杨丞琳-雨爱

窗外的天气
就像是你多变的表情
下雨了雨陪我哭泣
看不清我也不想看清

离开你我安静的抽离
不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里学会放弃

听雨的声音一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸象雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望雨能下不停
让想念继续让爱变透明
我爱上给我勇气的 rainie love

久违的雨滴一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽

冷冷的空气很窒息
我无法呼吸
一万颗雨滴的距离
很彻底让爱消失无息

离开你我安静的抽离
不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里学会放弃

听雨的声音一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸象雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望雨能下不停
让想念继续让爱变透明
我爱上给我勇气的 rainie love

窗外的雨滴一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽

nice song! must watch the show 海派甜心! :)

i cant imagine not getting an A for maths!
something must be wrong with my mind.
something is so wrong.
i have got to start praying. =(
but i just have to move on.
a few more papers and a few more weeks.
i cant give up right now.

alright. its time to relax a little!
i was so so looking forward to friday every week.
because there is no way i can relax during the weekdays.
how sad can life be?
haha. alright. i shall not be pessimistic.
sometimes i wonder about the true meaning of life.
if someone were to ask me about the life in JC, i have no idea what i should say.
because i guess whatever that come out from my mouth wont be positive.
i dont know whether that means i regret choosing JC.
hmm. i guess not. because i dont know whether i will enjoy poly life.
of course poly life might be a little bit more relaxing and fun.
but that's not exactly what im looking for as well.

so hows life in JC now.
its really boring and stressful.
prelims starting in 3 to 4 weeks' time.
and now its kinda like revision period.
timed practice, tests and homework are piling up.
imagine having 3 timed practice of different subject in a day.
isnt that stressful?
and its not like all we have to do is to study for the timed practice.
theres homework for lecture and for tutorial for almost all subjects.
juz had bio timed prac today and im so gonna fail it.
there is not enough time for us to finish studying.
seriously i think thats not effective at all.
im glad that some teachers actually understand how we feel.
but nothing is gonna change.
and the teachers just told us today that there is another small test on tuesday.
they add on saying that we have the whole weekend to study.
why teachers just dun realise that thats not the only subject we are taking.
there is still many other homework n tests coming up.
like theres maths timed practice on wed which cover all the stats topic.
theres a million of homework actually. alright. i shall not list them.
and i have to de-stress a little only on friday.
so i have decided to makes cards and complete my SGC which has to be handed in by next week.
seriously, this kinda life is kinda crazy.

putting school and homework aside.
i brought my dog to the vet 3 weeks ago.
i shall not elaborate much on why.
i visited the vet twice and spent like $240++.
how cool is that. im so gonna earn it back.
but im glad that hes recovering.
one week has to bathe him twice n everyday have to clean him twice.
that really adds on to the amount of work i have to do each day.
anyway. thanks to MOMO for helping me and accompanying me.
heres a picture of my dog! =D



on wed we had career and scholarship fair.
i so so want to get into NTU business accountancy.
actually i have no idea why oso. i just have interest in it?
and nothing has really changed my mind before.
but of course there is a lot of other career choice.
like being a teacher or a social worker.
but thats not the main point now.
the main point is doing well in As so that i can have a choice.
and that means i have to work really really hard.
looking at my mid years results. im far from there.
my maths was really disappointing.
and my econs was like really hopeless.
but i will continue working very hard.
just want to thank Mr Seng for the encouragement he gave.
at least he make me feel that my results doesnt show my true ability for maths.
i believe that teachers are most students' motivation to study.
its the teachers' expectation for you that push you to your maximum potential.
anyway. yup. i will JIAYOU de!

after the C&S fair, stayed back in school for sports club farewell party!
at first i thought we will just gather to eat and everything.
in the end the juniors actually decorated the classroom, organise a lucky draw, made cards for everyone of us and even made a video!
im shocked by the effort put in by them and felt quite bad as we didnt do so much for our seniors last year.
but this batch of juniors are realli hyper. they always get high themselves.
sometimes they can really make a lot of noise.
but i guess they really had great fun together.
looking at the messages in the video, some of them actually say they really like and enjoy being in this CCA and im really glad to see that.
anyway. thanks juniors for the farewell party! =)

alright. i guess its time to get down to serious work.
my sis is coming back from japan during the national day period!
so looking forward to see her, her husband and my niece!
she has really big eyes. haha.
im gonna be damn busy when shes back.
oh ya. i missed a chance going japan with my eldest sis because of my exams.
and my mum has to stay with me in singapore because of me.
felt so bad. but i really dont have a choice.
and my sis came back from japan she showed us lotsa photos.
the photos are so nice!



this is one of the photos.
anyway. just a photo of my niece before i end this post.



rocco and aomi! =D

omg! i realise i didnt talk about my birthday.
how could i??

ok. so on 24th april, my family celebrated my birthday.
didnt take any photo.
my sis bought an ice cream cake and i got a shock.
LOLx. 'cause before that i just talk abt eating ice cream cake.

then on 25th april, celebrated my birthday with daredevils!
at ichibanboshi. had fried ice cream as my 'birthday cake'. LOLx.
took some pictures.

the 5 of us.

and the 4 of us.
actually there is a few more photos.
but clar haven send it to me. alright. i shall wait. LOLx.
they got me my super big pencil case. i really like it.
and also a top.

then on 26th april. MOMO came my house.
and i got oreo cheesecake as my birthday cake.
thanks a lot. 'cause i think its really nice.
not forgetting the bouquet of flowers.


ok. i know i look super pale here. but i have no idea why. LOLx.

27th april was a monday. so i went to school normally.
didnt expect much. maybe just gifts from my friends.
while i was collecting money, being a responsible loanshark huang aka treasurer.
i really get a shock when my classmates suddenly start singing birthday song and a cake appear in front of me. LOLx.
it was really a surprise. really didnt expect that.
because we said we will not buy cake for anybody's birthday to cut cost.
so the cake wasnt really from the class. it was from some classmates.
thanks for whoever that chip in for the cake.
though i dont really know who. =x
and my clique actually bought me bikini. how cool right.
i have no idea whether i will wear. but i will try not to waste their money. LOLx.
i was especially shock when casuarine pass me a present. and she said victor chip in for the present too.
i was really really shock. haha. thanks my beloved PW mates!
alright. heres some picture.

the cake! with lavi's hand =x haha.

my class. steph and clar are not in the picture.

the 5 of us. sorry. you cant see siowyun's face. haha.

me and nat.

me and joyce.

not forgetting to thank cassandra and JonTan for the esprit shirt. i like it =)
that stupid jie mei er who forgot my birthday and need cassandra to remind you on the day itself.
i will always remember that.
i dont know whether ypu chip in for the present but i dont care! =x

oh ya. to liangping if you still visit my blog.
sorry that i forget to wish you on your birthday. LOLx.
i have no idea why i didnt wish you.
and i only realise i didnt wish you late may. so im sorry!
and i forgot to wish marcus happy birthday also.
'cause was having midyears. oh no.
he will be shocked if he know i still remember though.
alright. shall post some other day.